The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
