Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
