I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's blow job season.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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