Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
