i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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