So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
