Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
