Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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