White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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