my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Its about making memories worth repressing
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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