I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize