i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
