Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
