Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
