I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I supernannyed him into submission
It's not a walk of shame if you run
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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