Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
