the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
