Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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