This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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