I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
