You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
