Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
