did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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