You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
