I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
