You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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