Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
that's an acceptable place to lick
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
