Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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