so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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