I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
