You just made me feel so damn special
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
