I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
