When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
this hospital has no fireball
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
