I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
