I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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