Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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