And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
