By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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