The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
