Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
