Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.

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(229): View more from Georgia

so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

how was your night?

(212): View more from New York

well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?

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(631): View more from New York

our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college

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(216): View more from Ohio

somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?

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(970): View more from Colorado

Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag

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(415): View more from California

I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.

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