I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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