i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
