Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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