Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
