Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
