the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
