I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
