i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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