I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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