We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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