did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
