I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
