K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
