I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
