it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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