put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
