I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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