i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
