i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you had me at cake vodka
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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