Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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