Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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