sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
