i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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