What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
