i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
