I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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