Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
