well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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