fuck your aforementioned shoe
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
