Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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