A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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