His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
