I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
