Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
