proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My feet surprised me
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