It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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