May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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