I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
